Beautiful

She wanted to be beautiful. She wanted to be young. She saw her life pass before her eyes. She saw her youth say goodbye in the name of love. The girl was silly and so profoundly sad. Every effort went into being happy, but every action contradicted that notion.

She had sad eyes from the time she was born. Big, sad eyes and big cheeks to smile with to conceal the emotion behind them. She thought she needed to be loved. She searched for love in the cracks of the deepest depths of other people’s hearts. She found hope in every slight opening of other’s hearts. She thought they were broken because they wouldn’t love her so she tried to fix them. When she “fixed” them she realized it wasn’t love for them although it was love for her. She loved everything that was hers so deeply, but she couldn’t accept deep love. She only wanted broken love because she was always given love that did not work or love that hurt.

The love she doesn’t recognize is within. She slowly touches that love, but she doesn’t know it that well yet so she can’t decide if that love is enough. She doesn’t know real love yet, but she is searching for it.