When I love, I love hard. I hate to let go of things I feel are mine. The idea of letting you go is almost impossible to me. I have worked so hard to keep you here. I have enjoyed so many moments with you. I have thought about you every second of every day until I had to force myself to let the thought of you breathe. At least the thought of you got a breath in.

I have held on so tight. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I have to let you go. One day I may have to let you go so I prepare myself for that. I loved the idea that I could have you forever. I still do. These days it feels so unrealistic considering all that we have gone through, but I still hold on to hope. I’m getting older now. Older and able to understand the ways things should be versus the way they are. We were kids, we’re still kids only older. We have lives to live. I want you in my life, but is that realistic? I want you so bad it hurts.

No one can understand that. No one sees what I see in you. Some days I feel you don’t even see what I see in you. Your body moves in such a beautiful way. In a way I’ve grown accustomed to. Your movements, your touch, and the changes in your voice. The way you say my name. It’s the only time I like to hear it.

So, no, I’d never like to let you go. I would never want to know another feels you the way I do or sees the beauty I see in the way your back feels with my face on it. I’m sorry I’m so unrealistic. I’m sorry I’m such a dreamer. Its just that I can’t imagine my dreams without you in them.

I’m selfish, but I’ll learn.